i’m almost off the soap box.

by @according2kelly on August 14, 2007

i’ve been up on the soap box alot lately. i don’t know, maybe you hadn’t even noticed. but, i feel like i’ve been doing a lot of ranting & speculating on life. i think i’m almost done, at least for the time being. but i’ve got all of these thoughts, swimming inside my head, and this is one of the few places i can let it all out. which is exactly what i need to do today.

usually i am like an emotional fortress, i try very hard, to not let anything phase me. it’s kind of a sad joke in our family actually… we tell people we don’t have emotions. in fact, when jeff met me, his private nick name for me was the “ice princess.” i don’t do it on purpose. actually, that’s a total lie. i do do it on purpose. in my experience it tends to be easier for me to keep my feelings and emotions tied up neatly inside, rather than wear them on my sleeve for the world to see. but yesterday, that brick wall that i have so patiently built up around myself cracked. there i was, standing at a microphone in front of hundreds of people, speaking… generally i am very well composed person. generally i can talk in front of large groups without much issue. generally i am very comfortable in situations like this. yet yesterday, i immediately broke down in tears. i don’t know why. okay, that’s another lie. i do know why, but i hate the reason. this was the second time in my short life (remember we have already established several posts ago how young i am!) that i have had to stand and speak at a funeral. trust me, it is definitely not my favorite thing in the world. and although it was a wonderful forum to celebrate the wonderful and incredible life of my uncle bug, i can’t help but be angry that yet another person i love has been taken from this earth. okay, okay, you caught me again! that’s another lie. he wasn’t really “taken from this earth,” he has simply joined my dad on that annoyingly long business trip that has prevented him from coming home for weddings, birhthdays and christmas over the last several years.

all i can do now is focus on the amazing life uncle bug led. he was the type of person that you could meet just once, yet he would leave an impression that would last a lifetime. he was adventurous and fun loving. always loved a good joke or prank & he was probably one of the greatest BSers that ever lived. he was also incredibly kind, loving and compassionate. he was one of the most generous people i have ever known & would literally give you the shirt off his back. he lived his life by the simple motto “life’s too short.” and so today i challenge you, to really look at your life. make a mental note of the person you want to be and the life you want to live and go after it. in the words of alred souza:

Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.

you better get going… remember, life’s too short!

13 comments
Heed
Heed

I remember meeting your Uncle Russel when I lived with you for that year or so... we swam at his pool. He definitely made an impact on me that I still remember - fun loving, full of life, a great guy. I'm sorry for another loss. Not to be irreverent or anything... but I think it's probably wonderful to know that you'll see them again, but I'm sure the wait just sucks. You're amazing to continue on with your bright attitude and freshness for life. Way to go!

marta
marta

i love you kelly. you are brave and wonderful and you have such goodness inside. i loved this post. thank you for helping me press pause and mean it.

Shaka
Shaka

I love the quote at the end. I need to always remember those words and make my life what i hope it to be! i hope you can find comfort at this time.

mama jo
mama jo

you always have great things to say on your soap box...i have to say that you did an amazing job yesterday, one that i was soooooo proud of...you represented our family with grace, dignity and love...thanks....

Marty:
Marty:

You are awesome, Kelly. You may hold some emotions in, but you let out the important ones: love, faith, joy, gratitude. Most of us haven't grasped the basic lessons you're teaching us from your soap box. Thanks for making us think.

Mique
Mique

Sorry to hear about your Uncle Bug. Sounds like he was an amazing guy. And I'm sure your talk was awesome (so hard to do at at a funeral). Makes me realize that all my issues in the grand scheme of things aren't so bad afterall. Hang in there. And as usual- love the quote!

Nan
Nan

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had to be at two funerals in the last two years... I couldn't speak. I wrote and made other people speak for me. I just knew if I tried nobody would be able to understand a garbled word of it. My younger brother and my sweet 93 year old Grandma.But speaking of soap... I've posted about soap tonight too... I know it's a trivial little thing in the scheme of life and death (super trivial) but maybe it will be a itsy bitsy bright spot.Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

My name is Ali...
My name is Ali...

I've never thought of you as being, as Jeff puts it, "an ice princess". Hang in there sis, I'm keeping you in my prayers...love you! -ali xoxo

Laurie
Laurie

I'm quite enjoying your soap box, actually. It's refreshing and thought provoking. This must be a difficult time for you. I can't help but reevaluate my life path at a funeral. It just puts everything into perspective. I want to live my life like your Uncle Bug and like your poem. I just don't know how.

gab
gab

I can't believe you have had to go through this again and again! I'm so sorry. I totally remember your uncle...what a personality. Your dad, too. Such great guys and it is not fair! Hang in there...

Stie: My Favorite Things
Stie: My Favorite Things

I'm so sorry your family had to do this again. I had the privledge of meeting your dad once when Josh and I were first married - he was a great guy. Sounds like your uncle was, too. You are totally right to be on a soapbox even without this tragedy, so get up on it once in a while. The rest of us need the reminders. Hugs and prayers for your family from ours!

Lindsey
Lindsey

Hugs. I'm sorry. And you can be on your soapbox whenever you want to be. Funerals are always hard, but especially when it's someone you love so much.

Leslie
Leslie

wow, kelly, you totally deserve to be on a soap box. i don't ever know how people can speak at funerals. i can't even look anyone in the eye at funerals without crying.your uncle bug sounds like he was a lot of fun and i'm sure you all will miss him terribly. what a strong family you seem to have.

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