lately i’ve been fighting the blues. i just kinda feel like i’m slowly drowning. but i try not to let it show… that’s what i do, what i’ve always done. i like to build a wall or fortress around myself, slowly shutting out friends, family & the world. i can feel it happening. so i’m trying hard to combat it. each and every day i wake up & try to put on a brave face. i try to think of all the things i’m grateful for, for all of the wonderful blessings and opportunities i have & have had throughout my life. and most days i manage to come out on top. but not today.
this morning i woke up early, after a completely unrestful night of sleep. during my morning run my nano was unsuccessful in performing it’s one duty: helping me zone out. instead of jamming to my tunes, my mind was filled with thought & worries… mostly revolving around the fact that my job, that provides our only source of income, is more than likely going to be “cut back”. sure i’ll still have a job, but my pay & hours are going to be cut in half. super great! but i was also worried and wondering about jeffy & his newest business venture, as well as the trials and tribulations of several of our close friends and family.
after dealing all morning with two cranky little boys i brilliantly decide to cut my own bangs – yeah, not one of my brightest ideas ever. later on, gavin conveniently forgot that we (& i say “we” because everyone knows it definitely is a group effort) were potty training, & decided to go in his underwear. he did remember to tell me that he was stinky, so i guess that’s better than nothing.
i made a quick trip down to the post office. (why is it always so busy?) thinking i was smart, i waited in the line to use the automated machine, only to reach the front of the line & realize that my packages were too big. so then i had to go get in line once again. i then drove down to an out-of-the-way yarn shop, hoping to pick a few pointers from a crochet guru. unfortunately, no one in the entire store, knew how to crochet. they were all knitters, but they suggested i could come back tonight.
i got home from my errands. walked in the door & looked in the mirror for the first time since the bang incident & realized i totally had raccoon eyes. (mental note… i really need to find a new mascara. recently my BADgal just doesn’t seem to be doing the job anymore.) i then started getting dinner ready, i was taking dinner over to a girlfriend who just had a baby. about halfway through my preparations i realized i hadn’t gotten enough cream of chicken soup. i knocked on all my neighbor’s doors, & came up empty-handed. so, i’m crossing my fingers hoping dinner tasted okay. while dinner was cooking, gavin once again had to use the “facilities”. unfortunately, he didn’t quite make it in time, so he left a big puddle in the bathroom (at least he made that far, that’s progress). however, owen, being the typical younger brother that he is, was quick to follow gavin. he stepped in the puddle, & then slipped and fell into it. while i was cleaning up the mess, owen must have decided that my cell phone needed a bath because i found him washing it in the sink. in the meantime, gavin tried to flush owen’s paci down the toilet – luckily i caught him in time.
we arrived home from delivering our dinner, a very pleasant car trip, complete with screaming children & my two year old crying out “what the hell”. (okay seriously, i don’t say it that often.) our dinner was a big hit… both boys dumped their entire plates on the ground. gavin wanted chocolate milk in his new spiderman cup (the one i bought without realizing it didn’t have a lid), so it really came as no surprise when owen turned it upside – yet another puddle to clean up. by 7:30 pm i was ready to put both kids in bed (something that doesn’t usually happen until at least 8 pm, & that’s on a good day).
so just like alexander, i’ve had a terrible, horrile, no good, very bad day. i think maybe, i’ll move to australia.
on the bright side… chelsey brought me a candle that smells mm! mm! good. okay, so i guess it wasn’t all bad.