mentally, i’m taking a vacation day.

by @according2kelly on April 18, 2008

if i could, i’d pack my bags & run off to some exotic, luxurious resort (i’ve heard australia’s nice), where i’d lay on the sand, listening to the roar of the waves & the wind rustling through the palm trees. i’d drink a cool, frothy drink & my massage would be scheduled for later in the afternoon. & as the twilight hours approached, i’d soak in a warm, bubbly bath watching the sun set over the ocean. but, as alexander knows, running away isn’t usually the answer, because days can be like this, even in australia. so instead, i’ll turn on some island tunes, fill a frothy glass with crushed ice & a strong cherry coke, climb into my own warm & bubbly bath (and although my tub isn’t in a setting as beautiful or relaxing as my aunt’s outdoor tub is, it’ll have to do), and pretend i’m elsewhere, listening to the waves crashing on the sand… all the while trying to ignore all thoughts running at lightening speed through my mind.

unfortunately it’s not as easy to turn off those thoughts as i’d like. as i’ve mentioned before, i’m not one to talk about my feelings, i tend to keep things bottled up inside. for example, if we had talked yesterday, and you asked me how i was doing, i would have simply replied “fine” & conveniently forgotten to mention all the silly little details of my life. the problem with bottling it all up inside… sometimes you tend to explode. now we wouldn’t want that to happen now would we? (it could get messy & another mess to clean up could put me over the edge.) because of this inability to express myself verbally, i find it imperative that that i write. i write to document my life. i write so that i can remember the lessons i’ve learned. i write so that one day, hopefully soon, i’ll be able to look back, & laugh.

lately i’ve been thinking alot about something thomas jefferson said: “when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot & hang on.” so this is me, tying my rope and hanging on. because as they say: “everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not the okay, it’s not the end.

& i’m happy to report that today was a definite improvement over yesterday. in fact it was a pretty typical day: i accidentally flashed the entire neighborhood, my mortgage company sent me a notice stating that my payments will be going up in four months & i found out that gavin didn’t get in to our pre-school of choice (blast those people who signed up when their child was still in the womb! i honestly thought it was a joke when people said you had to put your child on the pre-school wait list immediately after conception. oh well, i guess the joke’s on me). oh happy day! no accidents involving bodily fluids, no beautification attemps (hopefully i’ve learned my lesson) & everyone ate their dinner.

so i’m hanging on & holding tight, because i know the sun is going to come out tomorrow, or at least i hope it will. until then, i’m on my island paradise, if you need to reach me.

13 comments
Mique (as in M-i-c-k-e-y)
Mique (as in M-i-c-k-e-y)

Hey there kelly,just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you a lot. I'm sorry you've had a hard time lately. I totally hear you- and I'm so glad that you are so open about it. Makes me feel like I'm not the only one. I'm glad to hear that things are going better......Thinking of you.....

Lynn
Lynn

We have to have bad days to appreciate the good (sometimes the worst is when things are going well for yourself only to know friends or family are having it rough). And preschool is overrated - not to mention expensive.

i'm kelly
i'm kelly

as for the flashing incident, there really isn't much to tell. as you know i live in so cal, where they don't believe in backyards. all of the houses just sit on top of each other, with nada for a backyard. i had just gotten out of the shower & while trying to grab owen, who had once again taken of his diaper, my hand holding my towel slipped, just as owen grabbed hold of the shutters & flung them open.... hi neighbor!

TravelinOma
TravelinOma

All these things make you a better blogger.

jen
jen

kelly, i think it is so great that you are able to share you feelings with us. it's easier to write about them, verses talk about them. and it's great that you are doing it, because you ARE letting them out. i think that sometimes writing our feelings or talking about them makes us feel better. hopefully it does for you. i feel bad because when i talked to you on the phone the other day, i couldn't hear all of what you were saying when i asked how you were doing,and i was driving so i had to go. hopefully i didn't sound rude. but i wanted you to know that i think you're so talented and such a cool person. i have really enjoyed talking to you, even though there hasn't been many times. i look forward to the next NYMCN!

crystal
crystal

Kelly, I LOVE that Thomas Jefferson quote...you're such a quote-maven. You flashed the entire neighborhood??? Details, please! That little tidbit-teaser was not sufficient.

love.boxes
love.boxes

Great quotes.. keep hangin' on. :)

Summers Camp
Summers Camp

Glad today's a bit better. Have fun on your island (can I come?)! *B

Aranne and Dan
Aranne and Dan

I am glad things are starting to at least get a little better. That is a start and I know we will take whatever we can get! By the way I love your jewlery and I don't think I have ever mentioned that to you.

Shannon
Shannon

Good to hear! You always have the best quotes. When I'm feeling down, I can hopefully remember some of them! Sometimes I wish I could bottle up a little more of my feelings. When I'm not happy - everyone knows it! At least they also know when I AM happy :)

Ashlee
Ashlee

So glad you are having a "better" day. It was good to know I wasn't the only one having a mommy freak out this week. :0)

Verry Sherry
Verry Sherry

always remember, "this too shall pass". Thing is, in 6 months, it is likely that you (and me) will be onto new issues (dare I say problems) and what is present will be a faded memory. Not that it gives much relief now, but it is enough [for me]to keep the wheels turning in a new direction

Sew Create It - Jane
Sew Create It - Jane

I really like that quote by Thomas Jefferson. I've been going through a difficult time recently and that quote is very apropos.I hope that whatever is bothering you ease in the next few days and that the sun does shine. :o)

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