hello world! have you missed me? because i’ve definitely missed you. but honestly, i wouldn’t be at all surprised at all, to learn that there’s no one out there reading anymore. when you run away & hide for weeks (ok, more like months) you tend to lose any friends you might have once had. but i have to say, my self-induced coma was a necessary evil.
haven’t you ever felt like you just needed to get away from it all? life in general was just overwhelming me, & i don’t do well under pressure. (anyone else have queen’s “under pressure” lyrics running through their mind right about now? mm ba ba de. um bum ba de. um bu bu bum da de. pressure. pushing down on me. pressing down on you no man ask for.) but, i’m back & ready for action… hopefully. although, part of me would prefer to keep my head buried in the sand, but i’ve realized that’s no way to live life. i’ve decided that it’s high time i stop being so independent. i may be the self-proclaimed queen of isolation (remember, my hubby does call me the ice princess), i’m slowly learning (& it’s literally taking me years!), that building a wall around myself, & refusing to let anyone in, just isn’t doing the trick. as much as i want to appear strong, i’ve finally realized that maybe i shouldn’t be going through this thing on my own – seriously, where’s the fun in that? so, as of today, i’m breaking down the wall & letting you all in. it might be a long & painful process, because i’ve become a master wall builder over the years. but slowly & surely, i am going to start taking down these bricks & begin “talking things out.”
i’ve never been someone who is very good at talking. sure, i can shoot the breeze for hours, gossip about who’s doing what, or pontificate about my theories of life. but, when it comes to me spilling my guts & using the f word (feelings)… that is one area of conversation that is definitely taboo. but, i’m turning over a new leaf. so here i am, ready to wear my heart (& feelings) on my sleeve. although i have to admit i’m not ready for complete honesty – if you were to actually ask me HOW i’m doing, i’ll probably respond “fine,” even if i’m full of all kinds of turmoil on the inside. but that’s ok – this is all about the baby steps.